My Husband Is Addicted to Porn

Posted on by Dr. Kevin Skinner

Here’s the question of the day, “My husband is addicted to porn, what should I do?”

Ouch! I am sorry to hear that. Right now there are many things that you can and should do. I would like to offer a few suggestions, but I want to acknowledge that there are no easy answers to your question.

First, you indicate that your husband is addicted pornography. While this may be the case, I would prefer we step back and consider the term addiction. Many people tell me that they are addicted to pornography, but when I assess their behaviors they don’t really have an addiction to porn. An addiction to pornography generally has the following components:

  • It is a compulsive act
  • There is a recurrent failure to resist impulses to view pornography
  • The behavior continues despite negative consequences
  • Tolerance for the behavior increases
  • They experience withdrawal symptoms
  • Attempts to quit are unsuccessful

These are some of the signs you would look for in someone who has a pornography addiction. While you consider these signs, please be aware that most of the people I have worked with go back and forth between heavy involvement and minimal to no involvement. If you and your husband are talking about his involvement, I would recommend that you have him take the test found at GrowthClimate.com which will assess his level of involvement and offer free feedback. There is also a free assessment for you. This will help you better understand how his involvement is impacting you.

Second, I have worked with hundreds of men struggling with pornography. Most, but not all of the men I have worked with do NOT like pornography. This may sound strange to you, but I have heard over and over again from men that they hate pornography. They don’t like the way it makes them feel. They feel guilt and shame. They feel bad that they keep letting their wives down.

Consider the following question from the “Assessing Pornography Addiction” test:

“I feel down and empty due to my involvement with porn.”

Nearly 4250 men have answered this question and 57% of the men agreed with it. Unfortunately, many of them haven’t discovered the right tools to succeed. They don’t know where to turn for good help and as a consequence they hide their unhealthy habit for years. Their behavior hurts you and makes you feel hopeless and scared. You may find yourself asking questions like, “Is he going to start acting out in other ways?” or “Does he compare me to the women he looks at while viewing pornography?” These are the types of questions that run through the minds of the women with whom I work.

Fortunately, there is hope for you and your husband. However, it is critical to get the right information. If you want to seek professional help, might I suggest that you visit this website www.sash.net. Here you will find a list of clinicians who specialize in treating pornography and sexual addiction. The site has a list of professionals throughout the country.

You can also find help here on my website. Below is a short list of products that may be of help to you.

I am convinced that with the right help and knowledge you and your spouse can heal. This won’t be easy and it will require time and effort, but it can be done. I have seen couples heal from the pain created by pornography.

My hope is that your husband is willing to seek that help. Remember you cannot do his recovery for him. This concept is emphasized in the educational CD’s “Dealing with Your Partner’s Sexual Addiction

Thanks for your question. Please feel free to write again or ask a follow-up question.

Best regards to you and your husband,

Dr. Kevin Skinner

P.S. I have decided that my blog will address questions just like this one. If you have a question and would like me to address it, please add your question below and I will do my best to address your questions.

2 Responses to My Husband Is Addicted to Porn

  1. eva says:

    I was glad that this site was really the heart of the person dealing with addiction. You words can encourage them and give them information on how to deal with it.

  2. evaone says:

    That is why their are lots of website now that talks about sexual addiction that can be consider as one of the powerful tools for them to understand and encourage them to seek help.

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